CasaCullen

Personal Peek: Momversation - How to Possibly Beat PPD/Baby Blues While Weaning

*DISCLAIMER: I'm not a doctor, I'm not a specialist, I'm not an herbalist, I'm not a psychiatrist. This is only what I've read, experienced and taken that already seems to be helping. PLEASE consult your Doctor/OBGYN before you add any vitamins or herbs to your daily routine!!!!

So I've been MIA. I'm sure you've noticed. But I have my reasons. It's been a hard, really hard, last few weeks. Maybe even a month. I've been meaning to do the second post for the second half of our trip (Portland HERE, still have LA to do) out west. But haven't. I've been meaning to post about our first year of cloth diapering. But haven't. I've been meaning to post about our sleep training and where we are with that. But haven't.

You know what, I've been meaning to do a lot of things. But they just aren't happeneing. Why? Because I have to focus on me right now. For the first time, in a long time, we're all focusing on me. I have to get 'me' back in a way. So what the heck is going on? Read on. I'm really kind of scared but also really ready to share. I know I'm not alone. I know it. And if this post can help just one other woman know she's not alone...then my job here is done. All the other posts are sub-par to this one, in my mind, right now.

Soooo, where to begin. I've had a few greyish Motherhood blips on my radar of pre and postpartum baby life. Usually I'll be a bit down when family leaves or when we've returned from a trip seeing either family. After about a week, I realize that our life in Austin is amazing, we're so blessed in friendship/support and I get over my own pity party and move on. So that's the extent of my 'baby blues' thus far. Missing family, that's it. Seriously, that's it. I love mommyhood and I'm enjoying 99% of my time with Nash. Because let's be honest, there is that 1% of the time when Walt gets home and I'm like, 'TAKE THIS BABY!' Those are usually either teething or bad napping days, ha!

I've also loooooooved nursing Nash. LOVED! I got all those feel good hormones and we both got that 'milk drunk' feeling after many sessions. But I knew at about 10 1/2 months that I was done. He was showing signs of disinterest and biting too. So we started the weaning process. Super slow, we were at five daily feedings at that time and we slowly removed one about every week or two. After a month (where we are now) we only have the two feedings left. One right when he wakes up and one right before we start his bedtime routine. My body (well, boobies) have adjusted physically with very little issue. But my overall health is having a really hard go with this.

I tried to hide it from Walt but I'm sure he wondered what was going on. I've been super irritable, really angry, easy to snip, easy to criticize and just an overall bear to be around. I haven't been smiling at much of anything and I've been cancelling playdates and outings, left and right. I'd mention it to close friends and hope they'd come over and see me...or reach out. But I don't think they realized how bad I was feeling. I've been insanely tired and lethargic. Let me make this clear: INSANELY TIRED. I've even had thoughts of putting Nash and me on a plane and just heading to Florida so my Mom could watch him and I could rest. All day. For days.

Y'all...this is SOOOOOOOOO not me. And I'm proud that I am on the right course to nip this CRAP in the bud. It took a few weeks to sort of come out of this 'fog' and truly realize this isn't 'normal' behavior, thoughts or feelings for me. I'm the world's most upbeat, positive, optimistic woman...FULL OF GOD GIVEN JOY. No really, ask my husband. Ask my friends. Ask anyone that knows me. I'm a happy, happy lady! But this was all going on in the midst of sleep training, then Nash got croup, then more sleep training, then Nash got an upper respiratory infection, then more sleep training. Sooooo, life was also a bit rough too. Nothing felt peachy keen.

I spent some time this past Saturday morning really researching weaning, PPD (post partum depression), lethergy and the good ol' baby blues. There are a few great articles out there floating around but only a few really give concrete examples of how to combat unbalanced hormones in a more holistic and less 'pop some anti-depressants' manor. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not against anti-depressants. I'm just super sentitive to medication so I'd rather beat it with herbs and vitamins. And not even go that route.

I'm on day 3 of taking a whopping eight different supplements and I already feel MUCH, MUCH BETTER! I'll share those with you below along with any other pointers I think might help you tackle this big beast. If you are feeling blue and are in the process of weaning, know you're not alone. You're not. And I really am here for you!

Things you might want to do:

• Reach out to your local La Leche League as they're a wealth of info and support.
• Create a Facebook page/email group of Moms you know and share what's going on. I've created a Facebook Moms group chock-full of all my Mom friends so when I posted what was going on in our group I was surprised to hear that other Moms were going through/have gone through the same thing.
• Confide in a good girlfriend (or two) who is wise and will check in on you. Or a Mom. (Hi Mom!) Or a sister. I haven't wanted my Mom to worry but my sister has been such a rock for me. Love you, Britt!
• Tell your husband. I held it all in thinking it would pass and when I finally came clean...I could tell he had an 'ah ha' moment of clarity, seeing as how I've clearly not been myself. Make sure your husband/partner checks in on you daily to see how your day is going. Each day is different, it's just nice to know someone cares and is thinking of you in your journey to feeling better.
• Take a long hot steamy shower. My aesthetician said that when your hormones are out of whack and some women get really emotional (not me this go round, but I know this happens) it's actually your body trying to release toxins. Take a long, steamy shower and SWEAT!.
• And if a steamy shower isn't your thing then get out and do some exercise. I just did my first 'jog' yesterday since becoming a Mom and it felt good to sweat.
• Drink more water than you ever thought humanly possible.

 Things you might want to take (and should research before doing so):

• Omega 3's
• Evening Primrose Oil
• Bach's Rescue Remedy
• Magnesium Citrate
• B vitamins
• Vitamin D
• Quality (whole food) Multi vitamin

Some of my personal symptoms:

• Hello break outs! I don't think I would've made the connection at all with my moods/hormones until I went to get a facial that Walt so kindly gifted me. She asked me what stress I was under and I mentioned weaning and she said, 'That's why you're all inflamed and have breakouts in this area!'
• Tiredness/lethargy
• Mood swings
• Irritable/angry
• Edgy and anxious
• Wacky sleeping patterns (overly tired one day, can't sleep the next)

 

Think you're alone? Think again. Check out these great articles I've found/friends have sent me with tons of info on hormone imbalance and nursing/weaning: HERE, HERE, HERE and HERE.

Again, I think time is really the only true 'cure' for these crazy a$$ hormones...so I'll just hold out. But it makes me feel good just sharing what I've learned as this whole thing hit me like a 20 ton mack truck. I've had relatively no huge hormonal shift except right when Nash was born, but that only lasted for a few days. My heart goes out to any other Mother dealing with this...just know you're not alone. HUGS!

If you have any other pointers or added insight, please leave it in the comment below. I want this post to serve as a 'catch-all' for suggestions that have worked for other women. We women, we Momma Bears, we have to have each others backs. We have to rally and support. We just have to!

Momversation: Mother's Day Expectations and How We're Alleviating That Stress

First and foremost, if I was in Florida with my extended family this weekend, this is the amazing lady I'd be celebrating. Not me and nothing about the Mom I am. But my own Mom. Nash's Mimi. One of the most incredible women I know. Seriously, if we were in Florida, I'd be singing her every praise and I'd tell her not to move a muscle, all weekend. Why? Because now that I'm a Mother I really do see things differently. I could literally go on and on and on about this extremely adored lady. If we were back 'home' this weekend, this 'holiday' would not be about me one bit...but every bit about her!

But since we're in Austin on this, my very first Mother's Day, I think I'll chat with you about what we're up to. And also why I think this option will work splendidly for our family, for years to come. As many of my girlfriends (who are also first time Mothers) fret and fluster, wondering if their partner is even going to remember a gift or a thoughtful gesture this weekend, I'm totally cool, calm and confident. I know what we have planned and how Walt, Nash and Zola are going to 'treat' me. Why? Because we're starting a new tradition and keeping another one going. And I love it! Read on for more details.

Ok, so first of all, this is not what we're shooting for this weekend, ha! I want happy smiles, laughter and memories. Obviously there might be a tiny bit of baby fussing in the air, but hopefully only because our little Bubs is hungry. By the way, how tiny is he here?

Hopefully we'll have lots of these, all around. Puppy kisses and baby kisses are the best. And puppy kisses on baby faces are just through the roof cute.

And finally, I hope we can all fit in some of this. A little siesta (as rain is in the forecast) or some serious snuggle time would be very much appreciated by this Momma. That's not too much for a girl to ask for, is it?

Ok so moving on and sharing our traditions. What the heck are we doing this weekend and what's our newest tradition? I have quite a few friends that are first time Moms and I've heard the chatter about Mother's Day expectations and, in a way, I feel like they're setting themselves up for failure. Yeah they're dropping all sorts of hints to the hubby about gifts, flowers or no flowers, places to eat and time alone.

But let's get realistic here ladies, your men are just as sleep deprived and tired as you are. They're had their fair share of late nights and early mornings. They get up and go to work daily and deal with all the stresses that brings along with their entire home-life doing a 180 with the arrival of a precious little peanut. Are they really going to remember, let alone even hear, those blatant hints? Most likely maybe not. Then your Mother's Day will suck be sup par because you'll be festering about how you're not important to him, anymore.

Well, I'm not going to have that happen and I'm making darn sure of it. First of all, we have two traditions that will alleviate any of this stress and will really capitalize on family time and putting ME FIRST all weekend long. Read on about how we're celebrating each other as parents (we'll do the same sort of thing for Father's Day) all weekend long. I literally, can't wait!

 

Our 'One Year Old' Mother's Day Tradition

Art! I love art so much. Painting, sculptures, drawing and photography...I pretty much love anything and everything artistic. So last year we chose THIS great print off of Etsy for me and I love it. I couldn't share it on here at the time because nobody knew we were going to be a family of four (yes I include Zola.) So each year we'll either choose a piece of art together or Walt will inform me that he's found an awesome piece for me.

Just think, in twenty years I'll have this awesome art collection filled with pieces from each and every Mother's Day. I can't wait to watch the collection grow. Collections always have sentimental value to me. My maternal grandmother was an amazing collector and instilled my love of collecting for sure.

 

Our New Mother's (and Father's Day) Tradition

We don't like to pride ourselves on guessing games or telepathic assumptions over here. We've always been really good communicators and have never assumed the other partner 'just knew' our needs and wants. With that being said, Walt can't read my mind. He doesn't know that I've been craving donuts like a champ or that I've been dying to dress up pretty and head out for brunch. He doesn't know that I need a new pair of nude sandals (which might or might not mean trying on 50 pairs at Nordstrom till I find the right fit) and my favorite aviators broke.

So yeah, I know what I need and want and there ain't no way that my man can read my mind. So why in the world would I drop hints when he's too busy, tired or at full brain capacity to hear? I'm not. I'm not going to do that to myself. Or him. Or our weekend. Or my Mother's Day. I can buy those things on my own. I'm not going to selfishly set myself up for failure. So what are we going to do?

We've decided that our Mother's and Father's Day weekends are ALL ABOUT US! Meaning, I get to choose to do whatever the heck I want to do. As my good friend Corrine said, 'I can sit on the bed, in my robe and pick my nose if I want,' but the bottom line is I'm doing what I want to do. So I literally get to navigate the driver's seat all weekend long.

And my first order of business for what will go down this weekend? I don't want to life ONE FINGER in the kitchen all weekend long. So we're doing takeout/movie on Friday. Brunch on Saturday or Sunday. Dinner out on Saturday night and Walt will whip something up late Sunday afternoon. Yep, this girl just wants to paint her nails, read some magazines and maybe do a little shopping trip too (since rain is in the forecast, bummer.)

Bottom line, Walt will get it right. I'm making sure of that and not setting him up for failure expecting him to be telepathic, etc. He's a wonderful gift giver so I never have had to worry about him forgetting a holiday or not making me feel special. Truth be told, he's great at giving flowers for nuthin' which are my ultimate fave. And his new line is, 'Nash told me to get these for you because you're a great Mom!'

I will leave you with this. Remember that this holiday is not as much about YOU as a Mom but more about celebrating the maternal figures in your life that have impacted you in amazing ways. Even though this weekend will be all about 'what I want' the truth is that I'd give my right arm to be sitting on the porch, drinking a mocktail while my Mom sips on her wine, watching my Dad and my boys man the grill. So squeeze your own Mom extra hard if you're able to be with her this Sunday...I wish I could do the same.

PS - Walt also said he's betting good money that this here 'tradition' will become defunct in June. He thinks I'll back out of the deal when it becomes his Father's Day weekend to do whatsoever he wants to do!' Haha! We couldn't stop laughing about that on our family walk the other night. Mark my words, I will not! Believe me, I can't wait for the hilarity that will ensue that weekend.

I can just see it now. Pizza and a shoot-em-up movie on Friday, BBQ for lunch on Saturday along with a trip to a sporting goods store. Steaks on the grill on Sunday, and I'll bet a million dollars for the win on that last part. I so know that's what he'll want. And you better believe I'll enjoy every second of celebrating Walt and the awesome father that he is to our Nash.

Momversation: Asking a Question, Not Being Competitive

Moms can be annoying. There, I said it. So yeah, I'm new to the world of Motherhood. Even with all of it's stroller comparin', baby weight losin' and milestone markin' shenanigans...I still absolutely adore it. But I have to say, I don't communicate in ways that I'm finding some Moms do. What do I mean? I'm a question asker. Always have been, always will be. I'm less apt to tell some bragadocious story about Nash and way more likely to ask questions about how my friend's little ones are doing. It's just my curious nature. I love asking questions.

Lately, I've been noticing that when I ask a Mom friend a question, I'm getting the sense that they might be thinking I'm asking because I want them to ask about Nash. But I really don't care if they do or not. No really, that's not my goal in asking. I talk to Walt about Nash all the time. Seriously, all the time. I like to hear how other babies are growing, changing, shaping, adjusting, sleeping and eating. And not because I want to compare. It's because I love to learn. Truly, I do.

It's so striking to me that there is this underlying competitive sphere or numbers game at play here in the Mommy world. And to tell you the truth, it makes me want to gag. I'm really appalled by some of the conversations I've overheard and communication patterns that exist among Moms. I mean, we should have each others backs and lift each other up, right? Well, in my crew...we do! I'm so thankful for that.

Whether you're a stay at home Mom or a full time working parent, being a Mom isn't all peaches and cream. The last thing we need to do is sabotage each others success with, 'Oh really, he slept for a six hour stretch last night? Well my little one alllllllways does eight.' I mean really, how in the world does that help anything? It doesn't. No really, stop being that Mom.

But there's that thin line between asking the question, 'How is your wee one sleeping?' and praying that your friend knows you are genuinely curious about his/her sleep patterns. And not the sheer face that some Moms are just waiting to pounce/squeal in pride that they now are the proud parent of a 'through the night' babe. That thin line is what I'm tip toeing around constantly with some women. I find myself not even saying anything about Nash with others. It's a thin and bizarre line, the distinction between asking a question and being labeled a competitive Mom.

As I weather the storm that is daily Momversation, I'd love to narrate a few of my findings via this new category on CasaCullen. I understand there are times as a Momma Bear when I'm going to proclaim to the world that I have to coolest kiddo ever (which I obviously already think I do) but I hope I never find myself spatting off numbers and percentages just to one-up the Mom I'm conversing with. No really, if I do...someone slap me, hard, in the kisser!

In my personal life I pride myself on being a good girlfriend and supporting those women around me in any way that I can. I don't find this competitive Mom-gab to be supportive at all. Much the opposite. It depresses me, leaves a poo taste in my mouth. So how are we going to fix this? I think this is something that has always been prevalent in our culture, for years so I don't know if there is any fixing. But these types of Moms will be weeded out of my daily interaction.

Some people, by nature, are die-hard competitive and will be bragging about their kids until their last breath. Do I think they mean it maliciously? Nah! Do I think they have any idea how annoying they are? Probably not. And maybe I'll just have to realize that some Moms will always be this way and others are more Mom-focused. You know, supporting one another and building lasting friendships rather than spouting off growth numbers and milestone hits just because they have nothing better going on in their life. Seriously...over...that!

I think my close Mom friends know me well enough to see that my question asking isn't in the vain hope that they'll turn around and ask me the same. That's never the purpose behind my inquisitive nature. It's solely to give them the floor and let them express their triumphs in a space that will never be judged, criticized or harped on. They will always be loved, adored and cherished by me and I want my close Mom friends to know and feel that. I sure hope they do.

Obviously, you need to find the good in it all. And naturally I find myself drawn to other like minded Moms who also still have their own life, separate from their child(ren). I'm really not complaining but I'm also in shock and about this underlying current that seems to prevalent in every Mommy circle I'm joining. You can point Braggy Bragster out from a mile away so I just make sure to steer clear. I don't need that energy in my/our life. Seriously, don't be that Mom that brags about their child non-stop, is constantly comparing and one-upping the next Mom. It just ain't pretty!

As for bragging about Nash...I mean, isn't that what grandparents are for? I can honestly say that my parents get multiple weekly emails about Nash's progress and the fun/funny things he's up to. Yep, they're my bragging board and they eat that shizz up.

Another pointer if you just can't help but be bragadocious...create an email for your little angel. Nash has his own email and I shoot him snippets of stuff almost daily. It's amazing how much that small act of pride and excitement alleviates my need to gush to my friends about his progress. Or better yet, start a blog where only your family and close friends will check in.

Yesterday I snapped a funny picture of him in the shopping cart and it literally takes me one minute to send to his email with a message saying how much I love my shopping buddy. The first time he pooped in the bathtub (yep, we're talking numero dos everywhere here people) you better believe I shot him a message telling him how much we were dying laughing. And his big blue eyes stared at us saying, 'I'm not sure why you two are laughing so hard but I'd appreciate if someone would get me out of this mess!' And of course I let him know that his Daddy was on clean up crew.

Have you experienced this sort of Momversation and wanted to slap a sista in the face? If so, how do you find yourself withholding your inner braggart and being the classy lady in the crowd who shares less and listens more? If you're the Mom of older kiddos, have you found yourself only interacting with a hand-full of Moms over the years? Have you slowly weaned out your Mom friends that are only surface people that want to spout number, statistics and milestones at every chance they get? I'd love to hear your take on this subject...because I'm new to the game and already find myself cringing and biting my tongue at times.

Image provided by Sean Wray Photography.